TIRED... again

Tired of feeling.
Tired of emoting.
Tired of expecting.
Tired of living.

Tired of being spoken of.
Tired of being spoken to.
Tired of feeling the pains of others
In addition to those that I own.

Tired of facing the so-called facts.
Tired of feeling.
Tired of masking the heart so well.
Tired of living.

Tired of weaving language off emotions,
Tired of showcasing what the world wants to see.
Tired of Doubt, Tired of Trust,
Tired of …lets see now… ME.

I tire of this blazing music
That burns its way through the soul.
I tire of this screaming silence
That knives and rips and lasts no more...

**************

Today's Random Image:

The heavy clouds ... awaiting to shroud the world

Ek tukro kagoj

Amay ek tukro kagoj debe?

Plane banabo.
Uriye debo haowar paaley.
Urte urte pouchhe jabey hoyto shey tomar dwarey.
Hoyto shei kagoj-bhaanjey
Lukiye thakbe gopon barta.

Amay ek tukro kagoj debe?
Jahaaj banabo.
Bhashiye debo sroter koley.
Bheshe bheshe hoyto ba shey paari debe duur sheemanay,
Pouchhe debey ichhe-kautha
Jaul-porider swapno-deshey.







Amay ek tukro kagoj debe?
Moyur banabo.
Nachbey moyur pekhom tuley.
Bheja daaler aaral theke bejey uthbey nupur-dhoni.
Porbey rongin brishti-badol
Swapnil ek shobuj deshey.

Amay ek tukro kagoj debe?
Baksho banabo.
Rakhbo tatey aalok-andhaar,
Rakhbo jaubab, rakhbo dhadha.
Thakbe sneho uchho-sheerey
Thakbe mukti baksho-neerey.

Amay ek tukro kagoj debe?
Kobita banabo.
Duronto shob obhilasha
Jeebonmriter hisheb-nikesh
Likhbo chhera kagoj 'porey.
Hoyto shey urei jaabey khola jaanlar aahobaaney;
Hoyto ba ... miliye jaabey
dhulay-dhushor aalingoney...

"When no one knows thee, then alien there is none, then no door is shut."

from Geetanjali

Fresh Clothes

I decided to change a few things on my blog today for no specific reason.

So awaaaay went 'immortalmusings' and in came 'amdismuses'. 'Amdis', by the way, is the Latin translation of my name... So I thought it'll make me a bit intrguing(!!!)

If the address lets go the old touch, the title had to follow suit. Hence the new name. Lets see how I it makes me feel, if I don't find it cool enough, I'll think up something else, for experiments' sake, you know.

By the way, my Bengali poems (above and below) are presently suffering due to lack of a proper font. (I'm sad) But kya kare, its better using this Anglo-worded Bong style than working with a C-graded font (ghor bebheesheeka!!!). So until I get myself a suitable font, or master the existing one, I guess you'll have to put up with it.
But it isn't really tough, you know, if you're accustomed to reading bengali sms in your non-bengali mobile phones.
My Bengali isn't that great. But I've risked writing it. Plz let me know if they're okay.

**************

Today's Random Image:

The desolate champion
"proteekkhar oshomoye"

Jhapshaa canvas

Theek jeno ekta jhapshaa canvas.
Shaari shaari dariye chhoto chhoto shohurey flat-ghaur.
Hautaash rastar morey matha unchu kore ekla lamp post
~daupdaup korchhe fhike hoye jaowa bishaal aalo.

Durey megher opash theke chhotto shurjer dushtu lukochuri
Bujhi khelar chhole bhulei gechhe aapon udoy-tithi.

Shaada ornaar snigdho haowa bhijiye daey debdarur sheer
sheetaul shantijole.
Aar concrete-r pauth ta taukhon meghalauyer jeebaunto daurpon.

Eshauber majhei kothheke jaeno bheshe aashe mataal kaura ekta gaundho
~ bheja matir aushfut aahobaan.

Jegey othhe nabo raungey rongeen ek nobeen prithhibi.
Baurshar nikkaune mautto ek aporoop prithhibi.
Jegey othhe aamar jhapsha canvas.
Hauto abaar lagbe tatey notun raunger chhowa...

A no-one speaks

Do you remember that day friend?
That day I stepped into this world.
The light hurt my tearful eyes
But you smiled at my face.
For your smile, I endured.
And yet you call me selfish.

Do you remember that day friend?
You held my finger and led me to school.
I pleaded and cried, shaken as I was.
But you instructed me to leave your hand.
For your dream I let go.
And yet you call me selfish.

Do you remember that day friend?
I returned home with a failed grade.
You were sad at the no-one you created.
You told me I "just have to try".
For your honour I became a winner.
And yet you call me selfish.

Do you remember that day friend?
The cause of your sadness was my friendship.
A friendship I thought would last long-n-strong.
A bond of trust, of respect, of love.
For your peace I became friendless.
And yet you call me selfish.

Do you remember that day friend?
You decided to test my beliefs, my strengths.
I stood seemingly unbothered
Even as your words minced my soul.
For your sake I became silent.
And yet you call me selfish.

And now you put me at your fire-chariot
Asking me to handle your reins with faith.
Judgement Day is here, you'd think.
Alas!
Your reins are too cold to scar my fingers,
Chiselled in the heat of a soul on fire.

... granted... you still call me selfish.

*************

Do you see what I see?

Hello World

Don't get me wrong. This is not my first step here. But I'm here after so manNNNny days, it really feels like a new birth... a 21st century resurrection. You see, after struggling with the titbits life served me on a platter, I was a bit tipsy with the overdosage! So I just HAD to take a healthy break... and lo, Mademoiselle has returned feeling absolutely rejuvenated.

Back online, the first thing I felt like doing was going through a few blogs. And guess what I was struck with?!!---- THE BLACK MANIA!!!
What's wrong with everyone???? Every other blogger I see on blogspot uses the same old Minima Black template that Monsieur Douglas Bowman had designed ages back. Well, its a different story that I am fond of it myself, but c'mon, gimme a break! First there's my mom's blog boasting the black beauty look (don't remind me that I've designed it), then all of a sudden I discover Ritayan going for sombre lonely Black-dom, there's another blogger Apeksha using it (she writes really soulful poems like Ritzi, honestly, a commendable poet). Then there's Pradip uncle enthralling his readers/listeners with his Minima Black Template (he's a really talented singer from Kerala, he had won the Meri Awaaz Suno along with Sunidhi, you know)...followed by Joseph, Awatts, Arun... (I should stop. the list of audiobloggers I know is too cumbersome to type out).
Thanks to the popularity of Mom's blog, I actually got the 'oppurtunity' to view a handsome number of audioblogs, so much so that I became TIRED of seeing the same old template showcased in various outfits and decors(they call it 'pimp' for some wierd reason).

GAWD!!!! Don't you think we need to try and be a li'l bit different... for the sake of visual pleasure(no puns intended), or let's say, for the sake of variety.
After all, Variety is the Spice of Life.
    No Spice,
      No Life.

When creating this bit of blogosphere, I was on the verge of selecting the pink template (there goes Debayan wincing at the word). 'Perfect', thought I, 'to reflect a typical naughty, talkative, pseudo-sensible mentality'. But then THE thought struck me and I realised that even Pink is just sooooooo cliche. Everyone who's madly in love with that colour OR who's got an ex-boyfriend who hated pink OR who's got a bf/gf who loves pink would definitely go for that particular template! (If you think its bad reasoning, plz don't bother to comment).

And thus occurred my conscious sojourn into the GREEN pastures of meaningless musings(No reference to a certain 'green pastures' community on Orkut).
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my cute green blog. Make your city, I mean, blog clean and green. Green~ the colour of freshness~ aahhhh!!!
(Ritz has already complimented my blog calling it 'very typical of me'. But he added 'girlie' which I suspect isn't exactly a compliment).



Another remarkable trait I noticed among blogspot`ters is that blogspot.com has given birth to a promising number of budding poets, increasing in geometric progression. Take my buddies for example. Two out of five of them are poets. And most of them write real, soul-stirring pieces. Some of the poems are so damn serious, they make me forget the fact that I'm still alive(!!!) [Oh man, get a lyf!]
[Post Script: Being serious is one thing, being gloom-struck is another.]

Believe me, I tried my best to be affected by this wave of desire(to write poetry, that is), and I ended up with a compilation of extremely silly (read 'uncannily pessimisstic') thoughts all curiously juxtaposed to produce nothing short of a complete hullaballoo.

So I decided to stick to prose. *sigh*

By the way, I removed two pictures from my last post. They made me feel too glum. Spoiled my blog's image (and mine). [I adore the facade I keep. I love the way they know me.]

Anyway. I'll stop here. This one has been a particularly lengthy post (pent-up thoughts lol) and I still have to check out the syllabus for the semester exams. Wish me luck guys.

Tada!!

**************

Today's Random Image: