From a Tomboy to a Woman

Its a curious world out here. Life moves at break-neck speed. On the path to becoming an MBA, there are probably a lot more identities waiting to be collected. I never knew what being a woman was like. Apart from those monthly curiosities, life was very much a guy's life. I befriended more boys than girls; stayed up late in their apartments, sitting by their side in their bed and watching episodes of Friends; played badminton with them, sometimes even soccer for a change; fought like wild junkies and pointed at "girls" on their behalf; not to mention those long aimless walks in the name of curious explorations.

Yet...

Somewhere down the line, there's a deliberate forgetfulness. I am a girl. (For God's sake, Wake up. You are a girl! )
Never mind how many times she wished otherwise, she is, was and will always be A GIRL, or worse... a woman.

You know what? She felt SICK being 'such a girl'. When she heard all those bastards cat-calling and whistling at the end of road, she often felt like mashing their heads up. When an old frustrated 'genteelman' approached with an 'Angel, Marry Me' offer, she felt as if her life has just reached the borderline. She felt disrespected, disarmed. Helpless.

But when a certain just-a-friend came by with a simple 'Hi, Wassup?', it felt sweetly weird. She could almost feel the heart skipping beats.
That's also part of being a woman, I guess.
To be there, to feel that, and to know that all this were mere fantasies of an impossible future.

Her heart screamed to her: 'He's always so right. You are so happy with him around...'
She wanted to be close to him - mentally, emotionally... physically.
She ignored the warning messages in her mind.

She was a girl... a woman.
She was excited.
Relieved.

But, the Oracle did not warn her.
She forgot for a moment that she needed to "believe" that she was a girl.
She needed to behave.
To herself, she had always been the 'dude'.
To him, too.
Today, he searches borders and boundaries for a suitable 'friend' (that's what they start with, right?)
He asks her for opinions.
He does not notice her.
She is his buddy, the cool dude.

Being a woman isn't all that simple.
Sometimes, it means being over-the-top, loud, boisterous.
Sometimes, it means being shy, reserved, a virgin.
Sometimes, it means being a tomboy... a girl, but not quite... a woman? No Way!

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I badly need a silencer for my mind.

Today's random image:

From behind the Couch
photo courtesy : Himanshu

Feels like a Fresher

I had finally given up on CAT, but the kittens seemed adamant. And my desire to sit for CAT'09 went on a ride when IMT Ghaziabad allowed me to step in through its gates!

Its a weird place IMT.

The WiFi connectivity - That's the check I did on the IMT Campus. Its really good, to say the least. The men in the ABCDEFIJ lobbies might disagree. But then, do I care? I'm in G. And the networks here are rocking.

The electricity - The power keeps fluctuating, in spite of a great generator backup system. And unconsciously the mind shouts 'Mehkar Singh, generator chalao...'

The seniors - 'Ragging is strictly prohibited', screams the notices on the general notice board , but personality development programmes continue well beyond the Orientation Week. The seniors are very nice - helpful and informative - except in PDP and interviews.

The classes - Classes are cool, with four or more air-conditioners providing all students the perfect incentive for a "good day's sleep".

The faculty - well...judging this part would really take some time...especially because I've got a record of sleeping through all my classes. All I remember about them is that they are very highly qualified, most teach well, and its not really their fault that we fall asleep.

The mess - ahh - undoubtedly the best thing about IMTG. You have so much of good food, you might as well feel like a five-star hotel patron. Doesn't help much, though. Good food should ideally be accompanied by good sleep. Period.

The amphi - That's where I love to hangout with a friend or two, or preferably alone. The amphi is a curious place to be in, especially at two or three in the morning. If you love being alone, this is the most happening place at IMT. If you're a group person, like me, this place might as well bring about a sea change.
P.s. seniors say that the amphi isn't exactly the 'lonely' sort..Let's see, I'm waiting for a series of sea changes.

The identity - Am I lonesome tonight? No. Not because I'm not homesick, but because its not exactly nighttime right now. But if you refer to night as the time of the day reserved for sleep, its definitely very very 'night'! The time-tables have all turned upside down. We still attend day-classes. But 'night-outs' - 'out' referring to out-of-bed and out-of-hostel - are when we're actually active. Be it in formals or in casuals, nights take up the chunk of our think-time.
And what exactly do we think? We think Freshers. We think Engineers (or not). We think Life!

And language...Diction and Dress-code are some of the worst restrictions of life.


Signing off for now...
Will continue if I manage to find time post-sleep.....



the amphi from the official site


wrappling at the amphi

Aaj raater rong bodhoy halka kaalo

Kichhui bodlayni.
Kannar jol ekhono nonta laage.
Bhije aphsosh chokher konay lukochuri khele,
Tarpor chupishare gaal beye kothay je hariye jay
Keu tar khonj kore na.

Raat shobe shuru
Ghono meghe dheke geche chand
Aaj aar jhor uthbe na
Aaj hobe shudhui Brishti